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The Leap of Faith

January 12, 2016


Hey there. Say, what did you do yesterday? What are you doing now? What are you going to be doing tomorrow?


If the answer to any of these questions is accompanied with a frown or a sigh, then I have a few words for you. These words define an ideal that is entirely free from the constraints of a monetary cost. This ideal can not be tamed by anyone, or anything. It is the belief in yourself with complete and total disregard of what others, who judge, may think.


This Idea is called The Leap of Faith.

Contrary to popular belief, the Leap of Faith defies the laws of physics and gravity. Because it is only through faith that one may ascend and float, thus breaking the chains of restriction, physics and gravity. You have a passion; perhaps you have many. But for one reason or another, you find yourself living a life that does not make you happy. So, stop living that life. That life is a lie. Pursue the dreams that your mind and soul beckon to be explored. Those dreams define who you are, so live them in reality.


Where was I when I chose to jump?
In the winter of 2014, things were bad; real bad. I spent the miserable hours of my days fantasizing about ways best to kill myself. I also consumed an unhealthy amount of alcohol which fueled my cynical thoughts of destruction. I still drink today and maybe that is a problem, in and of itself, but it is now in moderation and respect for the brew. lol. Anyway, back on track; anytime I had to converse with someone, I would disguise my emotion with a forced laugh and smile. I hated my life and I hated living it. I could have continued going on the way I was and, like most, find outlets for my stress, anger, and hatred, but instead, I chose to redefine myself through the pursuit of happiness within my craft, story telling. 


But wasn't I dating Sara in 2014?
I was. Depression and suicide are complex and selfish in their very nature. I am lucky to have had Sara around to stand by my side at that moment in my life. The praise that I make for her in the beginning of Future Winds is done so in reference to this part of my life.


How did I finally take the leap?
For me, I evaluated my sense of self to great lengths. I realized that I ultimately had two options; I could continue forward on the rails of destruction, or, I could change course. Change is not easy. We love to find excuses as to why our routines are the way that they are, but if you truly wish to free yourself, you will find a way.


When I decided to take control of my life, I also made a stance. I knew that I was going to be a full-time storyteller. I did not -and do not- give any fucks. If I had to live on a plank of wood while drifting through the ocean in order to better pursue my dream, I would have done just that. The founders of Robot Loves Kitty, a husband and wife game dev studio, lived in a tree while they designed their first big game and that is an inspiring thing.

But you are afraid to fail.
I know you are. The emotional fear of failure is a fear that we all share. Fear is important to prioritize different levels of danger, but trust me, there is no danger in failure when pursuing your dreams. Even if you sink every last penny into your project, who give a shit? The dollar is a fiat currency anyway. At least you tried to do something and that is more than most people ever come close to achieving. 


Okay, so I have got you on the ledge now, but because no one supports or believes in you, maybe you should turn back. 
This is what causes us to give up, more often than not. I regret to inform you of the cold and harsh truth that, much like seeing an alien, believing in one god or another, or having Bill Murray steel a french-fry off your plate of lunch, no one is going to believe you. No one will believe in you and that shouldn’t discourage you. It should fuel you.


We often seek to find acceptance in our lives work through our peers, but guess what? They don’t give a shit. I am sorry, but it is true. In 2016, the culture around us is cynical and selfish in nature. I am working to change that in people, as should we all be, by encouraging and inspiring others, but as it stands, it is what it is.


When you are flying through the air, you will get butterflies in your stomach, then and only then, at the point of no return, will you discover who the important people in your life truly are. I can count on one finger the person who honestly believed in me from the start. I am lucky to have had her at the time I jumped, most people have no-one. Now that I am sailing through the air, on this journey of existence, I can count on my hands the amount of people who emotionally support me today. Even after becoming “successful” your support group will still be small and that is okay, because it is quality over quantity every day of the week.


Ready? Go ahead. I believe in you.
Remember those butterflies that I talked about a minute ago? You will come to love them. You will grow to admire the feeling they bring. Uncertainty can be exciting if you embrace it.


So, again I ask, what are you doing tomorrow? You can not achieve your goals with one foot in the water. There isn’t enough time in two lifetimes to reach your dreams with that method of execution. You have to run. You have to jump. You will not fall, because when you are in the air, you are free. Free from the constraints of gravity and life within its current set of rules and regulations. You will float as far as you believe you can. You will sail. You will fly. You will Live.  

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© 2015 Kevin Laymon

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